Embracing Liminality, Duality & the Unknown

I love the energy a new month brings—this sense that we get to "start over." I especially love when the start of a new month coincides with my estrogen peak, right around my inner spring transitioning to inner summer. The energy I feel with these paired is unparalleled; I feel like I can conquer anything.

This feels particularly meaningful after a few weeks with so much unknown. I won't sugarcoat it—it's difficult living during this time. My existential dread frequently hangs around me, [we're besties, but sometimes I need a break from her], and the ongoing dismantling of social safety nets doesn't help. We're entering a new world order, and I refuse to accept it. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to exist amidst this chaos, and I find myself drawn to the comfort of a mechanical routine.

This is my morning routine. It may seem like a lot of steps, but I remember the days when I would just roll out of bed after snoozing for an extended period of time, rushing and half-assing anything to set up my morning for success. I hated mornings, I hated waking up. This intentional start to my day is grounding.

Check this out if you need to build a new basic routine. Remember: K.I.S.S. —keep it simple, silly.

I spent several years during and post-COVID in a weird nervous system hyperdrive. I was burned out from overworking myself and putting my employer's needs before mine, absorbing and internalizing toxic workplace cultures. But I've changed so much in what's now going to be a full year after my big life transition...When I left the career I worked hard to attain.

I was almost forced out of my old state of being—quite literally. Last year, during this time, I was dealing with a precarious management situation that drove me to finally say ENOUGH.

After doing a lot of therapy work and EMDR, it's wild to see how much has changed in my life. I have found a lot of peace since, yet I continue to find myself in a liminal space. I didn't realize it, or maybe I didn't want to accept it, but reading Jon Soto's essay "The Death of Who You Could’ve Been" on alazia and ambiguous grief allowed me to accept where I am and understand some of the context of what I have been feeling.

Embracing the Unknown

As I acknowledge this space that feels so indefinite and unformed, it almost feels like I'm buried in the dirt, surrounded by darkness. My roots run deep at 34 lessons of life, but I truly don't know what I'm going to sprout into next, or what the environment will be like when I bloom.

I have to wonder: does the caterpillar know what's happening when it becomes a chrysalis?

Who knows. But after sitting with this uncertainty and accepting it for what it is—not having the answers and not knowing what will happen next—I am receiving little messages from the universe that affirm my place at the moment. So I'm trusting that my path will unfold as it's meant to.

Tools for Staying Grounded

In the meantime, I want to share the tools I use to remain grounded during transitions, change, and discomfort. Let me tell you, this is a practice. We will show up differently every day, and that's okay.

After a vision board day with my college roomies, I was inspired by my leftover clip art and decided to add a monthly vision board directly into my planner. The world order may be collapsing, but I refuse to give up my perseverance to the cruel forces in the world. During this time, I am re-inspired by the work of RBG who said:

And:

Words fuel me. Courageous and brave women ignite a drive in me. At this time, I am called to the works of changemakers who persevered despite resistance.

Embracing Duality

I know I will have my bad days, and I will have days where I feel inspired to continue to dream. Yesterday, I added a savings bucket for piano lessons—I used to dabble and always wanted to learn to play whole pieces. I read somewhere about a person taking piano lessons at forty-something and thought to myself, "Why have I given up my life, joy, and future at only 34?" So whenever I have the extra cash, this girl is gonna enroll in some professional piano lessons, so that my soul could die happy.

Sometimes, it feels as if life is already done, as if I can't change course or break molds. That's because my old self, conditioned by societal expectations, struggled because I wasn't a 'happily married-Ph.D.-COO with five children, a beautiful house, fulfilled with her career' by now. [Wow, talk about high unmet expectations]. Jon Soto's piece was a reckoning—a validation of my journey over the past 1-2 years of breaking that mold and becoming this person that I don't fully know yet, but where endless possibilities lie because I am learning, growing wiser, and open to the experience of change.

My Planning Process

Here's part of my process:

I use the Laurel Denise planner because it allows for monthly modifications and provides full visibility—something that works well for my brain. I need my goals and dates staring me in the face; [out of sight, out of mind].

In setting up my May layout, I used my notes page to track my Oura ring stats and a vision board. My focus this month is health, resilience, prosperity, writing and movement. I struggle with exercise motivation, but always feel better afterward and want to become stronger and more flexible.

My sleep has been poor lately due to anxiety. My psychiatrist adjusted my Lexapro dosage to help establish better grounding from an overspent nervous system. I know I need to work through some somatic practices as well.

I'm also on an ongoing journey to quiet the "monkey mind," which is why there are many Gyan Mudra images in my vision board.

But, rather than explaining the background intention of each image, I'll let them speak for themselves...

Why I Track My Oura Stats Outside the App

Being a visual person and tracking my menstrual cycle phases, doing this has allowed me to perceive patterns and connections on a week-to-week basis. Placing it next to my monthly calendar and daily schedule lets me see what was happening in my life that led to certain stats.

This interpretation allows me to make conscious decisions about shifting my habits, especially as I continue to struggle with health and wellness. Life is an ebb and flow, eczema is forever, and this crumbling society is affecting me more than I would like. My internal system is wired to be on the defense, so this helps me make connections to be more intentional.

I sprinkle words of affirmation throughout my planner because that's one of my love languages and how I show love and kindness to myself.

What I'm Tracking This Month

This month I am tracking:

• Finances

• Home maintenance tasks

• Water consumption

• Daily vitamins

• Pilates [attendance]

• Daily gratitude

• Daily tidying

  
  

This single spread packs so much punch! The only challenge is that I now need a bigger desk or floating monitors so that it can sit more comfortably on my desk as I work.

Digital Planning Complement

I also want to share a digital tool: my Notion daily template. I tend to oscillate between paper and digital planning. Paper works better for me, but digital efficiency and readability often win out. So I also have a Notion daily task tracker, mainly used for my work progress. I love the creativity Notion allows.

Lastly, I want to mention Steph's artful affirmations—oh, how I love them. She sends a free desktop wallpaper every month. I also have her Thrive wall calendar [because, c'mon], hanging to my left, right under my vision board, next to a picture of my beloved godson. What a wonderfully cozy corner space I have created.

That's all for now. I wish you the ability to be inspired and spearhead your intentions this month, to perceive moods as fleeting, and to have a good month ahead 🙏🏽